Loving You
by Etymological Muse
Summary: Shizuru Made a big mistake. Can she correct it or is it already too late? Has Natsuki already moved on? Well read and see.
1. Marriage?

Okay, hi. This is my first story, so please be kind and no flaming. However constructive reviews are much appreciated. All the characters are out of character (ooc), so bare with me.

Disclaimer: Me no own anything but the clothes I is wearing….sometimes not even that.

Chapter 1. Marriage?

Natsuki Kuga is the heir to the Kuga Corps, and Shizuru Fujino is heir to the Fujino Corps. Kuga Corps and Fujino Corps are two major and richest companies that are in Japan. Both corporations decided to merge using a marriage proposal between both of the heirs as the merger of both corporations. Natsuki and Shizuru have been childhood friends because they were both born into families that dominated the business industries. Natsuki has always been in love with Shizuru. While Shizuru have always done what is best for the company and have a tendency of putting her company first before Natsuki. Shizuru is a workaholic. Natsuki agreed to the marriage thinking that Shizuru loved her more than just as a childhood friend. Shizuru agreed to the marriage because it was what was best for the company. She also lied to Natsuki that she agreed because she loved Natsuki more than a friend.

"Shizuru, please stop txting on your phone. I can't believe you're doing this to me on our wedding reception. Let the company take care of itself. That's why you have Haruka-san, your acting director. She's more than capable to take care of the business." Natsuki whispers into Shizuru's ears.

"Yes, I know but I just have to take care of a few things before we leave for our honeymoon cruise. I have to finish this project, it's important and it's something that only I can do."Shizuru answers annoyed.

Natsuki sighs irritated with Shizuru.

"Yes I know, but it's almost the end of the wedding reception and you've been on your phone for most of the time. I'm beginning to think that you marry me just for the merger. Come on, I mean we're at the ballroom of Sunset Hotel. It's our reception, the place is beautiful, and you haven't even look away from your phone to notice. In fact, you haven't even eaten all day because you've been so busy with text or calling someone to tell them what to do."

Shizuru place down the phone and look Natsuki in the eye.

"Suki, I'm sorry I've been busy all day with the preparation for our company, so that we can have a wonderful honeymoon without being interrupted. If that doesn't show how much I love you then I don't know what will. I love you and don't ever doubt that." Shizuru said with fake certainty in her eyes.

"Hmm-kay Zuru, I love you too. I just- I just want to spend more time with you at our wedding reception without your phone ringing or an alert of text message going off. Please? Just until the end of the wedding reception, which will be in 30 more min." A pleading Natsuki looks at Shizuru.

Shizuru sighs.

"Okay Suki. If that makes you happy then I'll turn off my phone until the reception ends. Then after that I'm going to have to turn it back on" Shizuru turned off her phone and kiss Natsuki on the forehead.

"There. You happy now Suki?"

"Yes thank you Zuru" An appreciative blushing Natsuki smiles.

_30 mins later_

Natsuki's POV

_Where did Shizuru went to. I swear I leave her to change my clothes and she's gone. Shizuru ohh Shizuru come here Shizuru. _

"Shizuru, where did you go?" I said to myself quietly.

It's already time to go now. Where could have you gone? Ummm I hope she's not on the phone again already. I mean she did tell me that she'll turn on the phone as soon as the reception is over but I thought she would have told me first before turning the damn thing on again.

I swear sometimes it feels like she's cheating on me with her company. It's stupid but I feel so jealous of her company. She puts so much time and effort in the damn thing that I feel left out. I hope that'll change especially now that she's married.

As I walk out of the ballroom door and looking around I saw my Shizuru sitting on a chair outside of the ballroom door by the corner.

Shizuru was dress in her business suit again. She had her honey blond hair in a bun. Oh, how I love those silky hairs of hers. I just want to run my fingers through them whenever I'm looking at them. Those gorgeous firm lips, that amazing butt, and legs that never ends. The best thing is that they're mine all mine now. I'm so happy, she's finally my wife. I've been in love with her since forever, or what seems like forever. I could die happy when she told me she loves me too. Well, actually I was surpise…a wonderful kind of surpise. It wasn't bad. I just thought that she could never love me the way I love her, since she has never shown any signs of being gay since we were going up together. She's always been busy with learning how to manage the company. That's what I love so much about her though. When she sets her mind on something she dedicated to it with her heart and soul. She never gives up no matter how hard the circumstance or problem is. Oh shoot, I better snap out of this and tell Shizuru to bring the car around.

I walked over to her.

"Shizuru."

"Oh I see- oh excuse me, please hold of a moment. Yes Natsuki?" Shizuru said as she looks up at me from where she was sitting.

"I see you're on the phone again. I was just going to tell you to bring the car around so we can go." I reply disappointed that Shizuru was on the phone again.

"Oh, okay. I'll go bring the car around right now." Shizuru stood up and begin walking towards the door.

"Okay. I'll be here waiting for you."

I sat down at the place where Shizuru was sitting since it was closer to the exit.

_10 minutes later…_

I wonder what is taking her so long. I hope nothing bad happened.

_15 minutes later…_

How weird. It's already 15 minutes. I don't think getting the car from the parking show take this long…The parking lot is just right next to the hotel. Umn…I'm starting to get worry here…Maybe it's nothing. I'm going to wait for another 5 more minutes then I'll call her.

_5 more minutes later_

Ahhh where could she be? I look dumb sitting here. People going by are starting to give me that "are you lost little girl look" or the "oh my god she's hot" lecherous look. Ew disgusting. I'm going to call Shizuru now.

Ring….ring….ring…I heard the other side picked up.

"Hello?"

"Oh hi Natsuki." Answered Shizuru

"Thank god! I thought something happened to you. It's been 20 minutes. What happen? You were supposed to bring the car around, it shouldn't take this long." I say in a rush.

"Um Natsuki…Something…came up with the company. They're having trouble finding a document of some sort at the office so I'm heading over there right now to get that fix. I promise I'll be home within a couple hours-"

Well that was the end of Chapter. 1. Please R & R. ^_^


	2. Losing you

Hey, hey. Tis I again. You guys know how hard it is to type? It's even harder because I is lazy! RAWR. Okay I've been putting this off but thanks to all the nice comments and review, I'm finally going to update. Also wow, I've never receive so many email about story or author alert in my whole life...This is a first, but yeah this is also my first story so yup. Also sorry for my mistakes. I try correcting as many as possible but sometimes I leave out words or skip them because I'm reading in my mind. So reading in my mind and what I actually see can be different. So excuse the mistakes and enjoy!

_**Natsuki's thoughts are in Italics and bold.**_

Disclaimer: I own the world….Oh! I mean I own MY world...hehe not THE world. That's too bad. Oh right, I do not own Mai Hime or its character. The story must go on!

Chapter 2: Losing You

Shizuru's POV

"Um Natsuki…Something…came up with the company. They're having trouble finding a document of some sort at the office so I'm heading over there right now to get that fix. I promise I'll be home within a couple hours-"

"Shizuru Fujino, get back here now." Natsuki interrupted coldly and without emotions.

"Natsuki, I can't…I'm sorry. This is important. Please wait for me at our flat. I'll be home as soon as I can. Please, I love you. Don't be mad, Honey." I said nervously.

There's an awkward silence on the other side of the phone until I heard Natsuki sighed into the phone.

"Come home. Please don't do this to me. Not today. Not now." Natsuki said in a tone that was foreign to me and was that a tint of sadness that I detect in her voice?

I don't know what to do. It's important. The business is important and I'm already on my way to the company. I can't go back. I'm sorry Natsuki. I can't let this affect me. The company must always come first. She'll wait for me and we'll talk about it. She'll forgive me, I know she will.

"I'm sorry Natsuki. I can't."

Natsuki's POV

"I'm sorry Natsuki. I can't." Shizuru says with certainty.

"Then goodbye Shizuru." I said devoid of emotions.

I was actually surprised at how I can say that without my voice breaking.

Then I ended the call without waiting for her bye.

Right at this moment, tears now rolling down my cheeks but I can't let her know that. I must be strong. I should have known. She has never felt this way about me. It's always been me and my one-sided feeling.

I've been so blind by my own love that when she said she loves me too, I never once question it. I've never once question what was it about me that you love or what made you fall in love with me? I was simply happy that she loves me back. Love is blind. Now I also know love is the fire that can keep you warm but come too close to the flame and you will get burn.

"She never loved me. She used me for her company. She never loved me. She doesn't love me at all. Shizuru doesn't love Natsuki. Shizuru has never been in love with Natsuki to begin with. Natsuki was the only one in love with Shizuru." I chanted in a low broken voice.

I'm referring to myself as a third person now. Since it's the only way to stop…no not stop the pain, to only dull the pain by a bit. That way it's not me that Shizuru doesn't love. It's Natsuki. Natsuki. It's another person name Natsuki. Not me. No. Not me.

It's still so painful. My heart feel like it's clenching, like someone has a hold on it and keep squeezing it. Tears are now freely falling and I'm starting to feel a bit numb from the crying and the pain.

_**It's her fault. It's Shizuru's fault that I feel so much pain. It's Shizuru's fault that she doesn't love me. It's Shizuru's fault. Her fault. Her fault. Hers. **_

No. No…. I'm lying to myself. It's all my fault. If I had look before I leap, it wouldn't be like this. It wouldn't hurt this bad. I love her with all my heart. I love her with everything I am. Soul and body loving only her and that's why I never question, never seen the signs proving otherwise.

Oh god. What am I going to do now? I can't stay here. No. I have to be strong for now. I have to wipe off the tears and put it out of my mind for now. I can't break down here. I can't. I have to go home. I have to leave. I have to go.

I stood up from where I was sitting, noticing that it was night outside. Luckily for me the whole time, I was having my mini break down no one came by, or if they did. They didn't say anything but just walk on by.

I wipe away my tears and slowly walk out the exit into the world covered in darkness where the only light I saw was that of the cars coming by and the building and street lights.

I called a taxi and told him the direction to our-Shizuru's flat. I need to pick up my things. I can't be with her. I can't stand to see her anymore. The shame, hurt, and love are all too confusing in my heart and head. There's just too much feelings swirling inside of me and I can't tell the differences of each feeling. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. I just know that I can't be with her. I can't see her. Not with this confusion still present. Not when I just want her to kiss me and tell me she's sorry and tell me she loves me once again. I know once she does, once those words leave her mouth, I'll be tempted to believe her. I'll be tempted to forgive her and believe the lie. I refuse to be blind. I need to go. I need time to sort this out.

I can't remember if I did or did not pay the cab man or even how he looks like. I don't know how or when I walked up the stairs to Shizuru's flat, but here I was, in front of her door.

_**Ironic. **_

That's where I've always been; just outside of Shizuru's door. I've never gotten close to her heart. I've always been knocking and hoping someday, she'll answer the door and let me inside her heart. Hope in vain, because like now she wasn't there. I have always been knocking in vain.

_**Stop it Natsuki. You have something to do here. Stop willowing in misery and self-pity. You got something to do, so let's go do it. **_

Right. I used the spare keys that I've gotten from Shizuru a few days ago to open the door. Then I walk into the flat. It's time to pack. I guess I should leave her a letter, so she doesn't worry where I have gone to after I'm done packing.

Shizuru's POV

It was such a stupid mistake. The missing file was just on my desk because I was reviewing it the night before. I can't believe that it took so long to find just one missing file.

It's been about 4 hours after I left Natsuki standing at the hotel. I hope she's home safe and sound now. I should probably go home too and face her. I'm sorry Natsuki. It's not that you aren't important. It's just that I've always been taught that business first and pleasure later. It's important. It's all I know.

I got into my car and start to drive home.

What am I going to do about you Natsuki? I'm married to you now. I married you because of the company and merger. You've been my best friend and confident every time I was stress over the business or my personal life. I knew you love me more than a friend. That's why I wanted to make you happy too with this marriage.

I'm just sorry; I lied to you about loving you so that you'll marry me. I promise I'll keep on lying forever and I'll be faithful and loyal only to you. It doesn't even bother me that we kiss and it doesn't even bother me that we will be doing more than that because our relationship now dictates it. The thought of kissing you or sleeping with you don't disgust me at all. I know I can learn to love you.

I love holding you while you sleep. I love watching you when you're frustrated. I love watching emotions on your face. You're like an open book to me, Natsuki. I love that you can look at me with such loving eyes. It's funny when I think about times where I would catch you secretly looking at me and you'll blush.

I chuckled that the thought of that. Thinking of you always brings a smile to my face.

Well, I got go to home to you. I'll be going home everyday to you. I can't wait to start this chapter of our life with you.

Well, here I am. Home at last. Should I knock on the door or just going in? Ummm I should just go in using my keys because she's probably tired and sleeping or something and I don't want to interrupt her.

So I opened the door using my own keys and walked into our flat.

"I'm home Natsuki." I whisper just in case she was sleeping.

I pause for a moment expecting an answered but when there wasn't any, I walked into the living room looking for my blue hair princess.

"Umm not here too, maybe she's in the bedroom." I said to myself.

As I was walking to the bedroom I felt like there was something strange with the flat. Like something was missing but I just shove it off. Then the feeling returns to me. I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

I opened the door to the bedroom to only find it empty.

"Hmm where could Natsuki be?"

At this point I'm starting to worry a bit, but I thought that maybe she was just mad at me for earlier. Maybe she's just playing a joke on me to get back at me.

I walked inside our bedroom noticing that something was very wrong here. It was like something was missing. My heart was beating a bit faster now. I have no clue as to why.

As I turn to leave, I notice that our bedroom closet was opened by a crack. I walked over and thought about closing it, but instead felt my instincts telling me I should open it. So I did open it.

I can't believe it! Natsuki's clothes were gone! No…way…She? No it can't be.

My heart now is speeding up very fast.

"Natsuki!" I yelled out.

Pause.

I received no reply.

I franticly check the drawers. It was empty too. I then walked over into the bathroom. Natsuki's toothbrush, shampoo and conditioner, and basically everything that belonged to her were gone. It was as if she hasn't even moved in with me. NO! Where could she gone. Why would she go?

"NATSUKI, NATSUKI. WHERE ARE YOU?" I'm yelling at the top of my lung now.

I ran towards the kitchen, and there on the fridge where we would always leave each other message or notes was a folded paper that says "To Shizuru Fujino" in Natsuki's beautiful handwriting.

Dread creeping up to my heart as I reach for the letter and begin to read:

To Shizuru,

If you are reading this letter then it means that you've finally came home and found that I was not there. You may have also found that most of my stuff that I can carry with me in my suitcase is gone.

I'm sorry Shizuru to have imposed myself on you, to have imposed my feeling for you on you. I'm sorry, I know you've never loved me like the way I love you. I love you so much. I thought that my love for you was enough for both of us, but today has shown me that I can't love you enough for both of us. My love alone is not enough. I was blinded by your empty promises of love, but today your actions finally loosen my blindfold long enough to find that I am alone in love.

Please don't feel guilt for it. I never want you to have suffered. I know you did what you feel was right for both of us but I can't chain you to me. I can't chain you to a life of darkness with me. I can't let you do this for me. More importantly, I am selfish. I want your love not your lies. I want you to love me and be in love with me or I don't want your love at all.

I love you so much that it hurts just to think that you don't love me. It kills me just to think of you with another person besides me. I want to chain you down and keep you with me for the rest of our life, but love isn't like that. To be in love with you, to love you, I've watched you for so long. I've watched and waited until you finally see what's been in front of you for so long. I and my love have always been waiting for you to see. Being in love and loving you means that I have to let you go find your own love, no matter how much it hurts. No matter how much I die inside.

I've been there each time someone breaks up with you and each time you've broken up with someone. I've been there when you cry or when you laugh; being there was enough for me but thank you for making my dream of being your wife, if only for a while, come true.

I'm sorry. I took both tickets for the two week cruise. I'm going on our honeymoon cruise, please don't follow me. Also don't worry about me. I just need some time away from you. I need to think and I need to get over you. I'm sorry but as soon as I come back from the cruise, I will annul our marriage. If you're concern the merger for our company, it will go as plan even without our marriage.

-Natsuki Fujino Kuga

"Natsuki…" I whisper.

I was shock to the core.

Something warm and wet trickles down my face. I made and attempt to wipe it away only to have it replace by another wet drop of warm water. I look at my hand to realize that I was crying. I was crying…why was I crying? Didn't I have everything that I've wanted? I got the merger still and I lost the unwanted wife. I didn't love Natsuki. It was best for her. I don't love Natsuki…right? Natsuki is my best friend. She's my confident. I tell her everything. All of my happiest and saddest moments are with her. I love waking up next to her or having her cuddling me to sleep. I love her cute blush. I love the way she's like an open book to me. I love how she looks when waking up…I love her?

No loving Natsuki would mean…to love someone would mean that I…GASP…no, no, no it can't be. My heart rapidly beats to the point where it starts aching. There's an aching burning sensation in my chest where my heart is. I want to scratch it so bad but I can't. It hurts. My tears are now falling like rain drops down my eyes.

"NATSUKI!" I shouted in pain and agony.


	3. Choices

Hey everyone! First off, I just want to say thank you for all my reviewers. Special thanks to my faithful reviewers: 1Nowhat, Bitchynovich, Kiko4ever, nidias, shamanic demonator, fyee, indiobotod…wow so basically all the people who reviewed for the first chapter. Hahaha I didn't want anyone to think I didn't read reviews. Actually reading reviews is the only good thing about writing, I check my reviews a lot of time per day…Haha yup ummm yeah I also want to answer some of the reviewer's questions since it'll be horribly rude of me to not answer them.

1Nowhat: You know for sure there's going to be reciprocating involve. It's ShizNats. No way is there not going to be reciprocating…but I won't tell you when and where, cause I is evil like that.

Kiko4ever: "Couldn't keep up" in a good way or a bad way? Also yup you'll like it. There's going to be lots of courting and another character or characters involve. Well, that's all of the secrets, I'm giving away for now. So you'll just have to wait and see…or read I guess. XD

Fyee: Yeah me too! I just want to make me make Natsuki come back to Shizuru sooo bad, but Natsuki will kill me if I do. She really will pop out of my head and kill me, and I is scard of her. (-_-)' hehe very scard…she's staring at me right now with the "don't you dare" glare.

Bichynovich, BuRiChiFaN, and aya 1920: Thank you, Thank you. Haha your comments made me smile.

To everyone: I'm so happy you all like it to the point of almost crying. It makes me feel a bit sad to almost make you cry, but hopefully I will make up for that in later chapters. Keep on reading and reviewing.

Sorry, posting only a short chapter right now. I promise I'll make it up to all of you the next time. I finally got the product key for Microsoft Word, so hopefully I'll be writing more and more now.

Chapter 3: Choices

Natsuki's POV

So here I am. Staring at unfamiliar ceiling and confide by unfamiliar walls, wishing I could be in your arms because that's where my home is. I've been here crying my eyes out and staring at the ceiling wondering how you're doing and what you are doing at this every moment that I'm thinking of you.

_**Tsk. Well, she wouldn't be thinking of you. She'll probably be dreaming of her damn multi-million company. Remember why we're here in the first place?**_

Yeah, I remember all too well. It's the reason I'm in this crappy hotel room instead of a warm bed with her arms around me. It's the reason why I'm still awake at six in the damn morning because I've been crying my eyes dry and trying to think about what to do next. So please don't remind me again, for the waterworks apparently never stops.

I took a deep breath. Great. I'm arguing with myself. How lame is that.

_**So…I thought you were going to go on the cruise trip. Get away. Relax. Get over what's her name.**_

Yeah I'm going to do that. I am. I mean there's no way she would even follow me, since I did take both of the ticket and the trip is in three more hours.

_**Well, come on then. Make a decision to get over her and get on that ship because it'll leave without you, if you're going to lie here all day being depress. You know if she hasn't loved you for all those years you were with her, why would she love you now? People don't change that quick, you should know that by now. **_

I know but I could still have hoped she would, but you're…I am right. They don't change that quickly. I was stupid to believe her when she said she love me. She lied and used me. Isn't that enough proof that she doesn't love me? Why am I debating over what to do? Why am I still crying? I need to just get up and go.

Urrrg, but it's so hard to get up. My body is heavy and everything just seem so dizzy.

"Urrg, I guess." I said rising to sit on the hotel bed.

"Okay, here I go."

My bags are already packed and I should be ready to go. I walked over to the restroom to wash my face and head out. As I wash my face, I looked in the mirror. Wow, I look horrible. Look at those bags under my eyes. My eyes are so red from crying too much and I just look dead. Well, at least now I look like how I am feeling inside.

_**Alright, Natsuki. Cheer up. Let's go and don't think about her anymore. Just remember that she's not even thinking about you. She doesn't care about you. Don't care about her. Time will heal all wounds Natsuki. You just need time. **_

Yeah, maybe you're right. Okay, let's go. I walked out of the dreadful hotel room, where it seems like I cried a pool of tears.

No more crying from this point on, no more missing you, no more loving you, and no more you.

"Goodbye Shizuru"

Shizuru's POV

"Ara, what happened to me?" I said talking to myself.

I feel like I've been hit by a train. I have a migraine right now. My head is pounding and I have no clue how I got into bed.

"No…Don't tell me…Natsuki…" I said as images from last night flash by in my mind.

Tears are welling up in my eyes again as I remember all of last night. Coming home, and reading the letter and crying…

Natsuki…Natsuki…Natsuki…Natsuki…Where did she go? What do I do now?

I wish I hadn't done what I did to you. I'm so sorry. I wish I realized how much you mean to me before I had lost you. I'm in love with you.

"NATSUKI I LOVE YOU!" I shouted out as the tears I was holding back ran down my face.

I can't believe it. All those times you were there. All those times you cheered me up. All those times when you hold me in your arms as I cry and fell asleep in your arms. The times where I felt safe, secure, and warm were all the time I was in your embrace. You were always there in the background, always ready to hold me and make it alright. Why didn't I see that sooner? Why couldn't I see how much your love means to me sooner? Why couldn't I see that I've been all this time, in love with you? Whenever things go wrong, I turn to you. Whenever I'm hurt, I turn to you. Whenever my heart is supposedly broken, I turn to you. With you being there, the pain…what pain? I've never felt any pain when my heart was broken because I knew you'll be there for me. Pain…

All those times, I had hurt you…took your love for granted. Oh how much I want you here with me now. You're all that matters to me.

You're all that matters to me.

You are all that matters to me.

So what am I doing here? Sitting here and contemplating? The more I think the farther you'll get from me. This time I'll be the one to come after you Natsuki. I'll chase after you and once I catch you, I'll never let go. I'll never let go of you again Natsuki. I'll love you more then you love me. Please give me another chance. Please don't run away too far from me.

* * *

Anyone want to explain Beta to me? I mean I think a Beta is someone who help revise the story and think of ideas? I might not be right...But yeah i think i might need a few Beta or so. It's hard writing and having no one's comment before i post it up. I mean i want to send my story to someone first and have their comments or reviews on it before i post up any of my chapters. I want to know if it's good or not before i post it up so that it's the best of quality story that my audience get...did that make sense? lol i'm afraid i'm not making much sense now. Sorry for the over due chapter...funny thing was i got tonsillitis a while back too...so yeah but yup excuses excuses.


	4. In a Stranger's eyes?

Alright everyone! I know I'm late on the publishing, but I've been a very busy woman lately. Life really has changed and to deal with those changes, my brain just stop running for a bit...oh, who am i kidding? I had the longest writer's block in the history of my life. It wasn't that i didn't know what to write, mostly that I didn't know how to write it. Good New is though I'm back for now and excuse all my mistakes because I don't have word document soooo that means there is going to be more grammar mistakes then normal. ^^

Oh and what i said about life changing...its still all true. A lot of things changed but I'll deal with them as they come. One day at a time.

P.s. This is a short one...sorry!

Disclaimer: Mai Hime...not mine sadly.

Chapter 4: In a Stranger's eyes?

Natsuki's POV

Unfamiliar room, unfamiliar walls and ceilings. Haven't I been here before? I lay here staring up at the ceiling of my room on board the cruise ship; Hime. A honeymoon cruise for you and me going to waste because you aren't here with me, do you know that Shizuru? I've been in and out of sleep on our honeymoon bed. Every time I woken up its to stare at this unfamiliar ceiling without you by my side. I think I should get up and do something but it's night-time now and the only thing open at during night hours is the ship's night life. The ship's night life such as the bars, clubs, strip clubs, casino, dancing, spa, tanning room, suna room, and everything for a couple to enjoy or maybe a single's paradise resort.

_**So why are you still here, moping then? Forget about her, Natsuki. The more you remember the more you'll hurt.**_

I know! I know...the more I remember or think about what should have been or could have been, the more I will hurt. The more I will not be able to move, but it was a whole life time of loving one single person. How can you move on in a matter of a day, if that person has been the only one in your life and your heart since you can first remember?

_**Well, you can at least try to get up and clean up. Let's go drink the night away. Maybe it'll be the medication for your pain. A night to forget and not care about who you are. Don't care anymore about who you are and who should be here with you because she isn't here with you and it is not possible for her to be here with you or even for you. Forget her and forget the pain. **_

No drug would be strong enough! How can you not understand that? Why are you so adamant on drinking and clubbing to forget? You are me and I am you, so why don't you think like I do?

_**I am you but the positive side of you. The side that think it is possible to forget. There's so much more out in the world then just loving one person. I am the side of you that you need and the side that is keeping you from drowning in your own self-pity and depression. I am the thin line that is keeping you sane. SO let's go! Get up, get dress, and go to the club. Go dancing. Maybe you might find the next love of your life, who knows? If all else fails at least you'll be able to drown in a few good drinks.**_

Alright, FINE! I am so done arguing with myself in this empty king size bed.

"I think I already am insane...talking to myself...arguing...who does that?" Natsuki mutters silently. "Ugh...time to get up."

FLASH FOWARD

So here I am. At the bar, in a dress...The very dress that I should be wearing when me and Shizuru go out dancing...or I guess that was what I had planned.

As I walked in, immediately I knew all eyes were on me but it was too tiring to fight off twenty or so lusty looks directed my way. So I keep my head straight ahead and walked to a stool farthest away from the looking eyes and sat.

"Hullo miss. What would be your drink for the night?" ask the bartender.

I looked up at him and stared. He was an older gentleman dress in white professional long-sleeve shirt with a black vest over it and black tie underneath that vest. Honestly, I haven't even thought about what to order or what to drink yet. I just want to forget though.

"Hi. Hmm just give me some whiskey and keep it coming all night long, put it my tab. My room is number #124." I replied.

"Alright missy but the tab system only works if I see your room card and your id card, may I?"

"Hmm...Yes"

Turning away from the bartender, I went looking for it in my purse.

"Here you go, sir." I said as I looked up with my room key and id card in hand.

"Alright thank you, miss. Now, again that would be whiskey and keep it coming all night are you sure? We have some of the greatest wine here at our little bar too and we are well stock with everything else from beers to wine to our fruity mix drinks. Can I perhaps interest you in some of those instead?" The bartender inquired.

"No, just give me what I order for the rest of the night please." I said in mono-tone.

"Alright Missy." The bartender quickly said as he turn around grab the bottle of whiskey and pour it into a shot glass. After that he quickly puts the glass down on the counter and I pick it up in my right hand.

_So how am I suppose to do this? Would drinking this keeps the memories at bay? Would it keep the tears away?_

_**Well, how would you know if you don't drink it? Stop staring like you're some school girl and drink it.**_

_Damn it. Well here goes nothing._

I slowly put the glass up to my mouth and took a slip.

_**It wasn't that bad was it?**_

I guess not but still tasted bitter. Probably be better if I just drink it all in one gulp. The faster I drink the faster I could forget this pain. Forget to feel the sadness and the loneliness. After it all though, I can't even blame her for doing what she had to for her company. I can't even blame her for using me when it was convent. I'm angry for falling for it, for not seeing what was in front of me, for letting my love blind me and for letting myself think it was going to be a happily ever after. She did what she had to and never promised anything in returned. I was the idiot who thought her love was the same as my love. Now there's nothing but the truth staring at me and the truth was harsh. The truth broke through to my dream world and now its falling apart, breaking like pieces of a mirror. I can't hide behind the lies that we'll be together some day again. I can't think that some day she'll love me again. It's hard when the one you love and know you want to be with forever since you were little don't want to be your forever. When they become your forever, how do you undo forever? All this time, I knew she was my forever but now I can't hold on to her for her happiness, for when she finds it in another person. I couldn't stand in her way. It's for the best to turn away now and be lonely by myself. So later we don't have to suffer together.

I took a big gulp of my whiskey, tasting the bitterness on in my mouth and the burn in my throat.

DAMN IT! When will these thought stop circling in my head.

_**Drink more. Sooner or later, you'll forget what you're here for. **_

Again the bartender, pour more whiskey into my glass. This time I took it in my hand and drank it as fast as I can. It was still bitter and still burn. He pour another glass and like the last one it was gone before I could think about it. Another glass was lay down and this time I took it and hold it in my hand looking into the glass of dark brownish liquid.

Urgh...I-I dddon't think that was such good idea. I can feel the whiskey doing its work now. I feel sick...kinda.

_**Idiot! Take it easy. It's not like you do this all the time you know?...How about slow and easy this time. **_

...What are you my mom? fuck off.

Stranger's POV:

It was a dimly lighted room with a couple of chairs, tables, a piano on the stage, and a bar in the center. The lighting made the bar slightly sad and an atmosphere for a romantic rendezvous for two lonely strangers.

Sitting at the bar was a beautiful woman in a black dress with long sea blue hair. Her dress hugging to her curves. She was like an angel from afar. It made one wonder what was she doing nursing a drink, almost as if thinking whether or not to drown in it for tonight. Her face was absolutely one of great beauty but to closer inspection it was also one of great sadness. She was silently crying without tears in her eyes. Her posture to the observant eyes was one of defeat. Everyone's attention drawn to this beautiful person but also kept at bay by the atmosphere surrounding her. She was like a lovely siren, calling all but none dare to approach. Everyone wanted to talk to this person but some how the loneliness and sadness in her eyes, made it hard for words to form or for thoughts to even be process. For someone so beautiful be so sad, what could have went wrong and what words could be said to set everything right again? She was a like a moment stuck in time and around her time had stop moving.

Her drink in hand, she moves to down in it and without a word had one more already there waiting for her. Again, she drink it down. Then again, as like before another would already be in place. She drinks this one and simply look the next one in her hand. She stares at it as if something will show up in her glass.

She was running away from something. Maybe it was her own thought. Maybe it was the sadness and loneliness in her eyes that won't leave her alone. Maybe it was the hurt and the pain, a blind person could see in this beauty. Whatever it was, she was drowning fast and no one was going to pull her out of her watery death.

"So this was where you were Natsuki."...

Author's Notes

Okay that was that. I really tried...hahaha and i'm so sorry it's super super late. I will be finishing this story though...I don't like uncompleted work so yep going to finish it.


End file.
